Roger's Rating:

Jonathan Morgan has found that he can take just about any sort of pop entertainment and successfully mock it in his porn films. We've seen him take on numerous movie and TV genres, turn their cliches against them and weave funny moments in between the sex. In this movie, Morgan throws his hat into the ever expanding infomercial ring. Contract Girl Alexa and Anthony Crane are the hosts for this energetic look at an exciting new product (See, the sales pitch is working already) the Porn-O-Matic 2000. This product is just what bored porn fans need to help them streamline their smut watching system. It can take any ingredients you want and spit out a sex scene. (Without all the pesky dialog.) That leads us nicely to each of the unrelated scenes in this movie. Crane is all cranked up and doing his full Crocodile Hunter accent. Alexa is perfectly dizty, though I've already counted three different accents in her performance.

The first sex scene has Jonathan Morgan as a bellhop and Olivia as a big titted chick who really wants a room. Well, this is a porno, so her offer quickly leads to Morgan kicking back on the couch while Olivia uses her full lips to get his cock hard and ready for more. For some reason, Morgan has decided that mixing in black and white footage with the color is not only good for the dialog, but also the sex. (Just a tip from me to you, Jon, it's NOT!) Damn, when she starts riding his dick, her tits look big enough to have moons orbiting them. Since her comeback, Olivia has been a pretty dreary on screen fuck. Someone needs to wake her up a bit. Her lackluster performance coupled with the bone killing black and white mix makes this a rather dreary opening scene.

The dialog after that scene actually picks things up a bit. Alexa and Crane are really having fun hamming it up for the camera. They go retro for the next Porn-O-Matic special. If you ever wondered what the makers of cheesy 70's flicks would have done with a porn flick, this might be it. When super fly guys Byron Long and Guy DiSilva rescue Tasha Hunter, she pays them back the only way she knows how. The busty blonde looks great, spilling out of her tight bra as she bends down to suck Byron's growing rod. Guy moves in from behind and starts licking between her ample cheeks. I still hate the black and white stuff, but at least this babe has some energy going in her scene. Those of you who like the stocking look, Tasha keeps them on, along with her bra while she sucks both guys hard. While she's still on her hands and knees, Byron starts slamming into her from behind. Tasha likes it big and deep and the guys give it to her at both ends. They give her some anal action as well, including some very well shot RCA on Byron's rod. Again, it's the black and white that really keeps this from being totally nut busting. As it is, there is still a great deal of heat and a couple of nice facials at the end. Best scene of the movie sexually to be sure.

Wanting to add a little young stuff to the mix, we get a couple of pussy happy cheerleaders. Funny, the Porn-O-Matic 2000 is even able to throw the co-hostess into the mix as Alexa hook up with cute Kaylin. There is just something universally appealing about a fresh faced girl in a pleated skirt, tennis shoes with a purse full of sex toys. Neither one of them seems to be all that into this scene, but it looks pretty good. (Other than the black and white, but I've mentioned that enough.)

Alexa is back, this time as a prison guard who teams with Temptress to strip search jailbird Brad Armstrong. These two may not dress like your run of the mill hacks, but they sure look good to me. Lucky for Brad, they don't ram a nightstick up his ass. Instead, Temptress sits on the lower bunk sucking his cock while Alexa gets eaten on the top. The beautiful brunette does a very good job getting him hard, wet and ready to pass inspection. This time around, Alexa has a lot more energy and greedily takes dick from behind. I guess one of the perks of being a Wicked director is the chance to star in other movies, banging two contract stars. Nice shared facial to finish things off.

Morgan comes back for the final scene, playing a water deliver guy who gets lucky. When Bridgett Kerkove can't pay her bill, she offers her body in trade. Not one to look a free blowjob in the mouth, Morgan sets down his bottle and lets her put her pumped up lips to good use. I like Bridgett's hair this way, long, straight and soft looking. What isn't soft is her sexual style. This girl is straight up hard-core when it comes to loving dick. After she's sucked his dick for a while, Bridgett spreads her legs, lets two fingers go in, then a dick. (What, only two fingers a dick? Not fourteen carrots, a baseball bat and a whole set of steak knives?) Morgan rolls her over into a piledriver so he can ram a huge dildo up her ass. This is the first scene where the black and white doesn't fuck up the heat.

With some bloopers at the end, things end on a final funny note. Comedy is the strong suit of this movie, in large part because the sex just isn't that great. There are some good moments, to be sure, especially the Tahsa three way. However, using the black and white cuts during the sex really dampens things for me. Alexa and Temptress team up for a pretty damn good scene and the Kerkove closer isn't encumbered by the heavy handed editing. Still, it's the humor of this movie that makes it fun to watch. Crane is fantastic with his over the top, crocodile hunter on crack performance. Alexa may drift from accent to accent, but she is the perfect cheese ball sidekick. The dialog is funny and not overdone, giving us a nice mix of laughter in between the sex. Next time Jonathan, can the black and stuff during the sex, it just doesn't work.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM